I am trying my best to hold my composure but I feel like I'm going to explode . I am still peeved that Tony did not help me with my account I mean I could have gotten the money from Jerome or even some from Rude Boy as well to square me off  he's kinda jive sweating me and I'm sure I could have got something out of him money wise but instead I tell Tony and ask him for help and guess what?????? He couldn't help so I told him for honesty only uh? well..... Never again.

I was on my way to my parttime job when Scorpian called me I ignored the call and as soon as I sat down at the desk I get another call this time I don't regconize the number but I answer anyway and it's Big Boi "What's up girl"? " Nothing". I say sounding unsure as to who I was speaking to "Damn, See you don't even know who you gave your number to". me "Uh? Who's this"? him "It's Big Boi". me "Oh hey you how you been"? him "Good, I was looking for you Saturday what happened to you"? ............... damn the party "Damn, Big Boi I'm so sorry I forgot it was Dirty's block party thing uh"? him "Yeah, Thats messed up how can you forget Dirty like that? I kept asking around if anybody saw you and they kept saying naw, man she aint here".  I told him I would be sure to get up there and kick it with him soon shit when I get my hair done Friday I just might see him at the club that night.

Tony was late picking me up from the Metro like 20min late I had 3 guys ask me if I needed a ride and to tell me if they were my man they wouldn't have me waiting and yada, yada, yada. He had the girls with him and told me he was sorry he was late picking me up but he was rushing. I asked the kids how their day was and then was silent the rest of the way home.

James was at work and as soon as I got home I saw Tony moved the big TV from downstairs into our room along with the entertainment center which left a small space to walk between it and the bed. I went downstairs to see the Big Screen  it was nice and I could tell he was really excited about it. I left him down there looking at something on the sports channel got the clothes out the dryer  and put the last load in the dryer. I went upstairs made Mo and Shay some oodles n noodles for dinner, heated me up leftovers and went over Mo's homework, quizzed her on her spelling words and helped Shay study some science. Necole was pissed she had to study and we couldn't watch Heros since study time is from 8-10pm. They both said they were going to have good grades on there report cards and I believe them too. They don't want this punishment again.

I drank the rest of my K beer and went to catch up on the stories the damn TV was so big  in our room I swear I had to sit far back on the bed it was a trip. Tony went to pick up James from work and he didn't come in to give me my usual kiss but oh well uh? This morning it was as if he hated to say good morning to me when I said it to him.

I wanted to play with my bullet last night but I was so sleepy I was alseep right after I watched the final episode of the stories on my DVR  Tony came to bed and kept talking to me about the damn TV I was thinking can't he tell I'm asleep.

I woke up late which ment Mo was late for school and me for work then I left my cell phone at home. I keep thinking Tony is going to go home to get it. But we'll see his nosy ass just might. I was thinking I would hang out after work today with P or Rude Boy or both but without my cell I can't call either. I was so happy when I found out I won tickets to see Heartbreak kid tonight. I instantly said I was going to go I left Tony a vm on his cell phone. Shoot I really don't feel like going right home anyway. Tony had to go to a seminar about tools for his job today it's in B-More. I have a craving for some crab legs I wonder if I can get some on Friday when I get paid damn, damn, damn not if I don't make a few calls I wont. I swear yaw I hate getting funds from other guys but just because Tony doesn't have it does that mean I have to be without????????? Sometimes I think .....naw I know being married is not for me I want too much of the single life but then I want to keep Tony in my back pocket too. It's crazy as my cousion Cheryl  used to say about us (me and her) "Are problem is we want our cake and eat it too, were just like the wind .........any which way it blows".

I'm trying this time you guys I really am part of me wants to do right and the other is telling me if your man can't help you and another one can and is willing then get what you can. I guess that's just the Jada in me uh?